| Does the idea of a vacation sound like an appalling | | | | Management says the stylized palm tree and two |
| loss in office productivity? Or does the idea of | | | | coconuts at the base of the trunk symbolizes |
| work sound like those temporary, dreary hours | | | | their relaxed and co-operative relationship with |
| when you're not tanning at the beach? Ten | | | | clients. Everybody is asked what they think of it. |
| questions will give you the answer to this most | | | | You:a. Write a detailed analysis emphasizing the |
| important question. 1. You're playing golf with your | | | | beauty and fitting nature of the logo, and applaud |
| boss. Right now you're thinking:a. I need to make | | | | the advertising agency for a job well done.b. |
| this putt to impress him. Then I'll be around when | | | | Laugh with your co-workers at the obvious |
| he discusses the plans for the new account. I | | | | similarity to a certain part of the male anatomy.c. |
| must show him I am capable and ready to be the | | | | Begin drawing exceptionally rude additions on the |
| project lead!b. I need to make this putt to | | | | logo, symbolizing relationships of a different nature. |
| impress him. Then I'll be around when they go for | | | | 9. Congratulations, you've been promoted to |
| drinks tonight. His wife is hot. I hope she'll be | | | | middle management! More hours, more |
| there!c. Wherz da flag? Man oh man, I shouldn't'f | | | | responsibility, a bit more cash. You:a. Puff with |
| sloshed down that sixth beer! Hey, that shand | | | | pride and self-importance, polish your new |
| trap looks like a great place to catch some rays. | | | | mahogany desk and anticipate twice as many |
| 2. It's time for coffee break. But you're still in that | | | | meetings. Your statements to underlings begin to |
| meeting. What do you do?a. It doesn't even cross | | | | go something like "Yeeeaah, hi, I'm going to |
| your mind, because it would be completely | | | | ask you to come in on Saturday . . ."b. Ask |
| irresponsible to think of such a trivial thing while | | | | for a lot more money first, plus an extra two |
| contributing to next year's budget projections.b. | | | | weeks vacation, stating that increased |
| You feel the aroma of the coffee pot through | | | | responsibility and stress needs such |
| the door, and you struggle to keep your attention | | | | compensation.c. Wake from such a horrible dream. |
| on the sales figures. Still, coffee. Mmm.c. The bell | | | | Vow to never again play that "Middle |
| for coffee wakes you up into jarring reality. The | | | | Management " card game! 10. You have 6 |
| sounds of the gentle surf is replaced by the | | | | weeks of vacation to use, because you haven't |
| irritating droning of some guy with a pointer. You | | | | been taking any for the last couple of years. |
| excuse yourself and drowsily leave the room. 3. | | | | Management says you can either take it or |
| It's your Caribbean-themed office party! However, | | | | convert it for 1 regular paycheck. How do you |
| you notice that the social committee is completely | | | | react?a. Laugh at such an impossible scenario, |
| clueless as to what constitutes a Caribbean party. | | | | because not only do you take full vacations every |
| You:a. Politely ignore the plastic flamingos in the | | | | year, you often call in sick for a week and hire |
| corner and sip on your non-alcoholic beer. You | | | | "Rent-A-Sick Buddy" to cover for you |
| straighten your tie before striding boldly to the | | | | while you lounge in Jamaica!b. You take the |
| higher management table.b. Smirk at the deflated | | | | paycheck and continue working. (Now you can |
| plastic palm trees and raccoon stuffed animals and | | | | sock away more money to buy that limited 17th |
| make a mental note to join the social committee | | | | century replica still-life painting of fruit!)c. You scoff |
| next year to do things properly - by taking a | | | | at yourself, pack your bags, and begin the best |
| vacation for "educational" purposes.c. | | | | and most needed 6 weeks of your life!For each |
| Plop yourself down on the inflatable tube you | | | | answer from 1 - 9:For every A answer, give |
| brought, then spike your Coke with a flask of | | | | yourself 1 point.For every B answer, give yourself |
| Jamaican rum you smuggled in. Rub tanning lotion | | | | 2 points.For every C answer, give yourself 4 |
| over your body, and politely ask a co-worker to | | | | points.Question 10 was a trick! Give yourself 5 for |
| do your back. 4. That cute co-worker is | | | | A (for exceptional style!), -1 for B (come on now, |
| constantly eyeing you. You're interested too, but | | | | fruit??), and 2 for C (don't do that again, you silly |
| office romance is strictly forbidden. You:a. Report | | | | workaholic!).How you Rate:Less than 15: You live |
| sexual harassment to human resources. There, | | | | to work, and a board meeting is the thrill of your |
| problem solved, especially if it means a | | | | life. You just can't wait to impress your boss with |
| promotion!b. Arrange for a romantic evening | | | | your awesome PowerPoint presentation! It's taken |
| outside work, but avoid all eye contact while | | | | weeks to prepare the 78 screens! Thankfully, |
| working.c. Arrange for a wild, passionate tryst in | | | | nobody invites you to parties. Who has time for |
| the server room! 5. You're lounging in the | | | | those?16 to 19: You worship florescent lighting. |
| Caribbean, quietly sipping your drink, when | | | | The hum and flicker of white light, and how it |
| suddenly you wake up and you're still at your | | | | accents the grey cubicle walls is the definition of |
| desk, in the middle of writing audit reports! You:a. | | | | the highest art form. However, you felt a bit sad |
| Shake your head and chastise yourself for falling | | | | when the boss moved you from the window to |
| asleep, and hope nobody noticed.b. Pout softly, | | | | the middle of the office, and took your stapler.20 |
| then surreptitiously check the Internet for travel | | | | to 25: You love nothing better than to walk |
| deals. Make a mental note to buy tanning lotion on | | | | through a group of shivering, pale people with |
| the way home.c. Scream. 6. In order to get the | | | | your suntan. Did you go to a tropical destination in |
| project done, you have to work Saturday. But | | | | the middle of winter? Did you cheat and go to a |
| there's a big party Friday night! What do you | | | | tanning salon? You'll never tell.26 to 30: Nice |
| do?a. Call one of your friends and say you can't | | | | wireless laptop! You obviously have one, because |
| make it, because you have to work tomorrow. | | | | you're certainly not reading this at a desk. You |
| Emphasize the word ‘work' to shame them | | | | only happened upon this page because you need |
| into becoming responsible adults like yourself.b. Go | | | | to order a second swimsuit, preferably one that |
| to the party, but leave early, sighing about your | | | | lets in the tanning rays. Careful with that |
| heavy workload and inviting pity drinks from your | | | | margarita, you don't want to waste it by |
| friends.c. What project? Six beers will destroy | | | | accidentally spilling it all over your keyboard |
| that silly idea about working through the weekend! | | | | again!30 and above: Thank god your uncle left you |
| 7. "The implementation of our strategic | | | | all that money so you can afford to live at the |
| application is conducive to the progressing | | | | resort! You shudder at what might have been - |
| interaction of our structured workflow." This | | | | actually having to work a desk job at some |
| statement means:a. "Implementing our | | | | soul-sucking corporation. Or is this a dream, and |
| dedicated investment supports the core evolution | | | | you don't actually have a rich uncle who passed |
| and functionality of our strategic vision." | | | | away? Best not think of those things, just enjoy |
| What's not to understand?b. "Buying new | | | | the now.Chris is the author and owner of |
| crap keeps our old crap working."c. Just a | | | | no-tan-lines.com, an information and resource site |
| sec . . . looking up "implametashun." 8. | | | | on tan through clothing, tanning tips and beach |
| The company is introducing a new logo. | | | | sportswear. |